I feel of late things have not being going well for me, my new years resolution was to try and find more happiness in my life and while I don't care to go into detail my life took many turns for the worst this year only to beat me down lower then I was before. As many of you can tell I've been struggling with a great deal of self confidences issues that have been growing over worse with the last 7 or 8 years being nothing more then a large string of failures and humiliations, of which I have found it getting harder and harder to bounce back from. I am not a person who likes to constantly whine which is why when I make sudden outbursts in journals or what have you it is often following something or multiple really bad things happening and instead of lashing out at other......I turn it inwards and treat myself like shit. No doubt that to people viewing this from an outsider view it must make me look like some kinda fruit loop or something......and while I might very well but I assure you that's not the reason.

Now that I've set that up, I shall get to the point of this journal. As many frequent lows as I have had (particularly this year), I'm not a person who enjoys wallowing in self pity, infact I hate it and so if I can credit myself for anything it's that I'm usually willing to keep going after being knocked down repetitively. So I have decided to get back on the horse and try to regain my feelings of self worth, I will in the middle of this year (so very very soon) be trying to get into a proper animation course in an actual art university and I hope to get in. I might not be the most talented artist in the world but if nothing else I do think I might maybe have the building blocks to be something better, at the very least I'm having another roll of the dice rather then giving up without a fight.